The last gift to myself

My friend Pura who reads my blog, told me multiple times that I complain too much, for no reason. I have everything in this world... a good health, decent look, a nice job, money, a girlfriend, I travel a lot living an interesting life. He did say that he would do some things differently than me but in general he told me I should stop complaining.

I think he is only partially right. This blog is what I project to other people, something what they have as a reference to judge me. People who read only posts about my private life don't see the whole picture. I speak about my life but I always say my life is not different than yours.

Anyway, you take care of your life and I will take care about mine. And at present time, I am not satisfied with my life. Not at all.

In my 40ies, I was someone who woke up each morning eager to do yoga. I used to start the morning routine at 6 am with 30 minutes of meditation then push ups and stomach crunches and at 7 am the yoga practice. In some days I did 2 ashtanga full primary series practice which is each 1 hour and 30 minutes long, one in the morning the other one in the evening.

I was fit with no belly fat, I had regular 8 hours sleep without need to take naps during a day. I had shiny eyes. I believed nothing could stop me and I was on top of the world. 

Now, I'm 58, and this is a different world all together. I gain 7 kg in the last 10 years, and all that gain is a belly fat. I have no energy to make entire day. Sometimes I barely manage to drag myself out of the bed, the naps during day has become more of a daily ritual followed with tons of caffeine after each nap... 

My new daily routine? Guess what - nothing is accomplished. I could not follow it at all. I was so busy at my job so I had to pay attention to those work problems. But that is just my excuse. I did some shameful yoga practices, the one of 22 minutes, the other two I gave up in standing postures. I did not walk outside too much and I went to gym only once.

Fuck, what's going on here? What is happening? I don't have a clue as to how I changed from being someone who was extremely energetic to suddenly moving into a space and time where I'm struggling to get out from the bed.

Fuck, am I really getting old?

Pura, my friend, I'm not complaining, I'm just desperate to break away from struggling and surviving this late 50ies to a thriving mindset which I had before. I want to try to tweak my lifestyle, maybe for the last time. This is the last present I am giving to myself, it is an effort to build stamina and energy to get back my shiny eyes.

So this morning I'm introducing a step by step process and a series of consistent efforts that must be done starting now. I can refer my previous blog posts as a heads up. However, first things first, I need to identify my cardinal mistakes which are draining my energy and pushing me over the edge. 

I hardly drink water like so many other people I commit this one mistake so often. I keep on my mind that water is a major constituent of my physical body and it is one of the prime sources of energy for vital organs of which one of them incidentally happens to be my brain.

I'm not going to carry a bottle of water whenever I go like so many people I see around me. I despise that habit, I call those people healthy living lunatics. But I will increase drinking water at the least 8-10 glasses of water daily. The first one being immediately when I wake up.

The most of the time in the last 10 years I was a single guy. I was on dating sites looking for women out there and I had motivation to look perfect, to dress nicely and to go out every weekend for a show off.

However, after 55, women are almost gone from my life, my dating fading away for many reasons, the pandemic and lockdown being one of them, and the fact that most of women in 50ies are disinterested for sex being the other one... 

So, just in the period of pandemic, in those 2 years, I have aged so much, like never before and I still feel the consequence of that especially as the lack of motivation for a change.

2 years ago, I have met a beautiful woman I love, we are engaged now. I will marry her in January and I am happy to start a new life with her. So I need to use this to regain the motivation back. And this is exactly the reason I am writing this today.

The next days will be crucial. I want to do regular yoga practice, walk outside, go to gym... I want to live my life by the intended daily schedule.